Nov 21

Nov 21 The Knight Before Christmas

There once was a sire, kind and tender
Sent forward in time in December
He charmed a spurned lass
And made us all ask:
Can he become her knight to remember?

The+Knight+Before+Christmas.jpg — Christmas clichés:

Contest as Plot Device
Nutcracker Suite
Deceased Parent
Tree Buy & Trim
Charity Work
Cute, Precocious Child
Widower
Mistletoe

Our Thoughts

We put a lot of pressure on “The Knight Before Christmas.” Not only was it our #1 most anticipated 2019 premiere, but it was also inherently compared to Vanessa Hudgens’ delightful 2018 release, “The Princess Switch.”

We knew we placed an unnecessary burden on Vanessa and the movie. Our hopes were too high for any movie to live up to. So, we tempered our expectations and tucked in…hoping to be wowed, of course.

But it was average. Bummer.

Opening in 14th-century Norwich, England, Sir Cole (Josh Whitehouse, identical to Robert Pattinson if he had hockey hair) is competing in the Contest as Plot Device Christmas Tracking. He’s sidetracked by an Old Crone and transported to 2019 in order to complete his true quest. Cut to burned-by-love Brooke (Vanessa Hudgens, a household favorite) who hits him with her car. Unsure if his Medieval memory is insanity or accident-produced, Sir Cole is invited to stay at Brooke’s guesthouse until he remembers that cars aren’t “steel steeds” and servers can’t be called “Wench!” in polite company.

The plot unfolds as you expect—romance, feats of knightly strength, and a Charity Work event where a background actor’s portrayal of a Widower-with-4-kids should win him an award. However, because it’s Netflix, there are fun surprises woven throughout. The Christmas-Movie-Within-A-Movie Easter Eggs are back! “Holiday in the Wild” makes an appearance and the acorn ornament from “A Christmas Prince” is a family souvenir from an Aldovian vacation. Plus, when Sir Cole discovers the sponsored placement of an Alexa, he demands caroling tunes from “Lady AlexaPlay.” It’s cute.

But (to add another “but”), it’s also dull. Just plain flat.

Scenes intended to induce panic, like when Sir Cole gallantly faced a snowstorm to find two Cute, Precocious Children trapped on the ice, made us crave more ice-breaking drama. (We’re terrible people.) And a perfectly timed Tree Buy & Trim scene talked about childhood memories attached to Deceased Parent ornaments…but for some reason, we didn’t care (and Jess didn’t tear up, which she always does during these scenes).

Something is missing from “The Knight Before Christmas.” It’s not our leads—they’re delightful. It’s the lack of energy and any will-they-won’t-they tension.

So, as the sister says to her daughter: “Time to say goodnight to the Good Knight.”

Rob's Final Take: Merry
Time travel! Medieval puns! Vanessa! The kindling was there but it never caught fire, leaving us with crushed hopes and Ye Olde Forgettable Flick.

Jess's Final Take: Merry
He’s charming. She’s charming. It’ll never rise to the top of my list, but it’s far better than the low-production flicks other networks keep pumping out.